looking back at this, I'm thinking: 'was I really this ridiculous!' teehee! I guess we all were!

Life is Good

i think i found myself..

Time to realize that if a person always has treated you like crap, they always will.. and that creates a negative impact on one's life. So it's time to let go of it.. I don't care how important you think it is.. if it hurts you more than it helps you, let it go.

I'm tired of taking bullets for people who treat me like crap. I blame no one but myself for letting it go on as long as it has.

Last night in Knoxville (till next year).. and I couldn't be happier. Never thought I'd say that.

My room is basically empty and it looks really sad..

I'm starving.. the delivery guy needs to hurry up!

everything's changing and I'm finally experiencing something I've managed to, for the most part, avoid up until college, the one place I thought all the bullshit ended. But, no worries here. I can be happy without, and life goes on.

SO excited about massey next year. At first i was nervous, but now I'm just anxious to move on the floor with all my sisters. Plus, I think being on campus will keep me motivated to get my work done and go to classes since I won't have to worry about waking up early and such. It'll be nice to be surrounded by people again.

SO excited about summer and spending it with all my lovely sisters who live close... even though I'm not quite so sure yet where I'll be living. And OF COURSE there's the joy of spending my entire summer with Peyton!!!

I lost the person I used to be.. and I really miss that girl.. so I'm working on finding her.

I must go and have dinner with my mother! I love and miss you all!!

wow .. hello xanga. it's been a while.

Well, I'd like to start off by saying that knoxville freaking rocks.. I feel at home here and am happier than I have been in a while. It's insane how much myself and my life has changed in the past few months, but I see it as a posative change and intend to continue in this direction... I guess..

Life in the boro on the other hand seems only to get worse and worse.. I never want to go back and am pretty content with the fact that visits there are few and far between and pretty soon will be almost nonexistant. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I miss a lot of the people there but the boro holds much more bad than good for me.

Thanks to shitty people, I've learned that there's always going to be someone around to hurt you.. but I've also learned that it's people like that who you have to let go of. No matter how hard that may be. I've learned that after high school, some people grow up.. and some don't. And I hope those that don't live their lives in misery for treating those that do like crap (a little sarcastic) but then again, if it weren't for those immature people, it would be difficult for those who choose to grow up to actually do so (a bit confusing).

Thanks to my best friend, I've learned that there really WILL always be someone who cares about you. No matter how shitty people treat you or how shitty I treat her, Caroline's always gunna be there to cut down everyone I'm pissed off at and give me words of wisdom along the way.

Thanks to someone who used to be a friend, I've realized what letting another person control your life can do to you.. like how it turns seemingly nice people into coldhearted jerks.. but that's another story for another day.

Thanks to a new good friend, I've learned what it feels like to be needed. I've learned to take my life experiences and apply them to her life to try and help her get through life's bullshit while learning from her.

Thanks to someone I love, I've learned that life holds suprises.. not always good ones. And that I truly don't know what my future holds.. but one thing's for sure. I'm always gunna love

Thanks to my sisters and my mom, I've learned that what my parents have been telling me my whole life is true. Those you fight with the most, you get the closest to. My family is wonderful as well as wonderfully messed up. We all have our faults, but those faults are what makes us. Through some of the hardest times of my life, I've found comfort in my mom, who understands pretty much everything about life and is always willing to show me the other side to every predicament. I've found comfort in my sisters, who understand what it is to lose someone you truly love and care about.. and know what to do and the words to say when you have a shitty day... or are there when you just wanna sit around the dinner table and laugh. I've found comfort in my dad who, although I've found is not a perfect husband, has truly shown his love for me in being a perfect father.

I wanna leave on a happy note so I'm gunna stop. No one will probably read this.. and it doesn't matter.. cuz it was still said.

love you guys

i miss Knoxville.. I don't want classes to start, but I'm so ready to get back..

so this is it, then.. but you know I'll be fine.. because I can handle anything.. you know that better than anyone. I'm done being strong for other people.. I'll be strong for me.